September 2001
But Peter said, “My friend, I do not know what you are talking about.”
Just as he was saying this, the cock crowed, and the Lord turned and looked
at Peter; and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to
him, “Before the cock crows today you will deny me three times.”
LUKE 22: 60-61
Dear Brother Knights,
I’ve recently taken the opportunity to catch up on some desperately
needed reading. It is amazing what we are provided when we need it the
most, and one day when searching for something else in the chambers, I
stumbled upon a tape-recorded version of the New Testament. I don’t
really know who owns it and I guess that this could double up as a bit
of a confession for borrowing it without permission. I have also been
trying to bring myself to sit down and read the book at home so I can
study up for a story I want to write but I usually get to the part where
Methuselah begat Lamech, and I fall asleep. I know that is in the Old
Testament, but have you ever read the first chapter of John? It sounds
like he was writing every possible way to assemble each sentence to find
the best way to do it and then ran out of time to edit out the ones he
didn’t like. “ And then there was light in the land; and the
land had light; and light was upon the land; for light had arrived…to
the area.” I apologize for offending any one with that but I honestly
don’t understand what that guy says to start with, but he does get
better. Is it a sin to critique the gospel? Well I’m sure I’ll
hear about it if it is.
Getting back to the point, like many of you do, I also have a lengthy
drive to work every day, and this affords me some quality sleep time.
To remedy this problem I’ve rented books on tape before and it works
like a charm, so to me this discovery of the tapes in the chambers was
a perfect fit.
The passage above is one of my favorites so far. I like to try to imagine
just how the things felt for these fishers of men who never stopped learning
faith. After following the Son of Man for all that time, only to deny
his relation three times in a matter of minutes must have been a source
of guilt like a boiling geyser eruption. But also to have fulfilled the
deed within sight of the Lord, having Him turn to see into Peter’s
eyes at the moment of revelation, well lets just say that it must have
crushed any pride away from his heart.
He went out and began to weep bitterly. LUKE 22: 62
This
may be silly but this struck me in such a way that I felt like bursting
out myself. Yeah I’m a crybaby, but I felt so bad for this great
apostle that I began to wonder why it made such an impact. I could try
to examine it all day, but ultimately it is a message isn’t it.
The guilt that Peter felt was so great and he could do nothing to take
back his failure.
To deny Christ not once, but three times is rock solid. There’s
no denying the denial. We all know that he was trying to save his own
butt, and still I can’t help but think that his first thought at
the gaze of Christ would be how he could change his mistake. He had said
that he would die for Him earlier that night, and now all he could do
was watch through his tears as they led Him away.
I think that I must deny Christ in the same way. I avoid the tough questions
and try to keep the expression of my faith to those who I know share the
same faith. It is safe that way. I’m safe from persecution or ridicule.
No one calls me a bible thumper or a fanatic. Not many people who approach
me for my opinion on the morality discussion of the day are left with
a clear impression of the Lord’s work through me. I’m an average
guy and according to the Word, that just doesn’t prove anything
to God.
Jesus sat with those who were deemed to be sinners in the eyes of the
society of the day. He made it clear that He had come to call back the
ones who had strayed away from the flock. It was more important to Him
that a sinner repents, than it was to reinforce the salvation of any righteous
man. Not to say that any man was more important than another. Just that
it was a more serious mission to retrieve souls before the end came than
to ignore them and tend only to those who stayed home.
What exactly do I do about this? Well I just don’t know for sure
yet, but I am confident that I will be shown the way, as we all are. When
I coach my son’s fastball team in the summer I have discovered that
there is more than one way to swing a bat. The end result is that the
bat hits the ball. To take a person and try to change them to the way
that I think works best is not only damaging to a hitter, but it is short
sighted. It is only when someone is in a slump that I find a bit of advice
and adjustment works to help him get the perspective he needs to get back
on track. The good hitters don’t need your help the same way.
Likewise it must be the same with people who are lost. I obviously wouldn’t
spend my time trying to help a fellow parishioner get to Heaven like I
should with someone who is sent to cross my path by God. They are there
and they do challenge me and my faith in many different ways. And besides
the only parishioners that listen to what I have to say seriously are
those who by now are hoping that there is a good joke at the end of this
letter.
So this takes me back to the issue. Do I deny Christ on a daily basis?
Well I think I do. Isn’t it really in your heart where you feel
the responsibility of sin’s guilt? Why else would Peter have broken
down for such a trivial little thing as this? He must surely have realized
the magnitude of his sin as he felt it in his heart at the sound of the
crowing and the knowing sight of Jesus. And surely I am guilty of this
sin if I feel this too. Only I am lucky enough to be able to avoid the
sight of Christ’s stare upon me when I commit this crime against
Him. Or at least I thought I had been. It occurs to me now that the stronger
in faith I become, the greater I feel the eyes of Christ upon my sin.
Thus I try harder to understand and to act
Chris